Guts and Nuts

Welcome to the very first installment of this season’s Bachelorette recap.

As I mentioned on Monday, I’ll do these for as long as I can – or at least as long as I can stand watching the show. After 10 years of watching them on/off, I’m getting a little jaded so it is getting harder and harder to suspend reality and watch the weekly installments.

I mean, we all know by now that they are, if not scripted, full of “conveniently” planned situations which will, invariably, bring out the best and or worst in the “contestants” for the Bachelorette’s heart. 

And I am finding it harder and harder to believe the Bachelor/ette when they say that they “only want to find their one true love” and think that this is the “journey they were meant to take” to find that “one true love.”

Now, don’t get me wrong.

I’m not saying it won’t happen or couldn’t happen. I just have to sigh and wonder if their mommas didn’t teach them any better than to go lookin’ for love in all the wrong places. 

These boys (or girls, depending on the season) are most likely NOT there looking for their “one true love” and are more likely there to find their 15 minutes of fame and/or notoriety. (and usually at the expense of their own reputation and sometimes self-image)

The cynic in me says Ashley is only there for the fame, fortune and travel. (as are they) And the romantic in me is trying really hard to shout above the cynic to say the she really is there to find TRUE LOVE but then she (the romantic, that is) has to stop and admit that, with as many issues as Ashley has (namely her own insecurity) finding love in this way is highly unlikely.

But, I digress.

I promised myself I would not spend this post pointing out all of the things that I think are wrong with this show. I will focus on sharing with you the observations I made when I watched it… and I’ll try to be nice. I promise. 🙂

On to the opener:

*a side note: why do they always wet the flagstones? Don’t they realize that while they look prettier this way, they make the girls’ dresses WET and wet ballgowns are not fun to wear (or launder)

On to the Bachelors:

Ben F. First Bachelor of note is Ben F, the winemaker.  My first reaction is that he looks like a little boy. Then, I think, no, he looks like a dork dressed up.  But mostly he just looks like a little boy. The trick to bring the wine was a good one, though. Gotta give him points for that. (+2 points)

Look at that baby face! (or am I just getting OLD!?!)

 

Bentley Next is Bentley – I think he has been cast as the “bad boy” of the season.  My first thought with him is divorced=issues=trouble.  Second thought is boy, is he ARROGANT!  I vote him off the island already. Will be interesting to see how things go with Ashley.

Especially since she has already been "warned" about him by a former Bachelor contestant who knows Bentley's ex-wife. Now, it may just be me, but I'm thinking intelligence from the friend of an ex-wife may be questionable intelligence indeed.  But, I still think he is one to watch out for – and not in a good way.  Remember Wes from a few seasons ago? The country singer? This year Bentley is Wes.

Will he play to her insecurities and will she fall for it? I think he is a player. We will see.

Anthony

Anthony is the next one I take note of –

(if I don’t mention them, they were just
B-O-R-I-N-G and/or didn’t get much screen time)

Now, my initial response was “aw, he’s cute!” And I loved the New Jersey accent. And he’s Italian. Gotta love that.  But once he stepped out of the limo he was just full of bluff and swagger. I think it turned Ashley off. I know it did me. And the sad thing is, it was probably to hide how scared he really was. Poor baby. (no points for you)

Jon Jon is the next one to catch my eye. The whole Neanderthal move of tossing Ashley over his shoulder and walking away with her – REALLY?!?  I think she liked it, but I wouldn’t have been amused. minus 5 points.

Will be interesting to see how things play out with him in the end…

My next thought was about how all the guys are hugging her. I’m a hugger. I don’t mind hugging people.  But, seriously. I bet every single one of those guys was wearing cologne.  And I bet she was, too. So now, after hugging 25 guys she probably smells something awful… like 26 different scents. UGH. I’d be patting them on the shoulder and saying “See you inside!” No hugs for you!

Mickey Mickey’s kiss maneuver was cheesy. I thought “oh, my goodness. you didn’t just do that, did you?”

And yes, darlin’ he did.

UGH.

I’d send him home immediately. eeewwww.

and then he BRAGGED about it when he got inside.  You’re outta here, pup.

West West with the broken compass – come on? Really? You didn’t have anything more original than to bring a compass to give that is “broken” pointing West and telling her that when she is lost to use it to find her way back to you? I think some producer put you up to that and you fell for it. sigh.  minus 5 points.

There is a second Ben – Ben C. – and he lost points with me with his put-on French lines he delivered. Another producer-induced moment of stupidity, I think. minus 3 points.

I’m sorry this is so long guys… 25 bachelors – and not many superstars in here to choose from. I promise I’m almost done. Thanks for sticking with me.

I don’t know what was up with the one Bachelor who whipped out his camera to shoot some pictures – that, in and of itself, wasn’t so bad..

It was when he asked Ashley if she’d take a picture of him with Chris Harrison when they got inside that I had to shout at the TV “YOU DID NOT JUST ASK THAT DID YOU!?!?” 

Seriously? Is he here on a sightseeing trip or to be a BACHELOR?!?!  minus 15 points!

Moving on…

Constantine Constantine was the final Bachelor out of the limos. I have a soft spot for him as he is a local boy –

I actually saw him today when I was out for lunch at his restaurant. He was playing it all cool talking to a friend about the show.  Of course, I just about fell out of my booth trying to eavesdrop but I didn’t hear anything any good.

He’s cuter in person, by the way.

On to the party – We overhear someone saying that “it’s gonna take a lot of guts or nuts” to get through the night. I just about spit out my tea.  OMG.  That was funny. Especially when you really think about it.  You can take that “nuts” a lot of different ways.

I think that was the highlight of the show for me and just about sums up what I bet this season is going to be all about – Guts & Nuts. LOL

I wonder… do you think the boys will have all the drama that the girls have had in seasons past? Boys don’t typically do drama so if they do, I will put money on it being something producer-induced.  We will see if my prediction holds true.

I’ll save future posts to discuss the two Tims – the jerk and the drunk.  And I will leave you with one final observation.  Of the 16 boys we’re left with (and yes, they are BOYS not men) three look almost identical (Ben F/Constantine/Stephen) most all are brunette (can you call boys brunettes or do you just say they have brown hair?) and most of them appear to be rather self-absorbed.  This will be an interesting season, my friends.

I hope we can stand watching it together.

Until next week, peeps.

Just remember… Guts & Nuts, ladies. Guts & Nuts. 😉

Menu Plan Monday

It’s here.

Finally.

I can hardly believe it.

The last week of school.

The girls are out as of Wednesday – and we can hardly wait!!

These last three days are really toss-out days anyway. They aren’t doing anything of value – playing games, reading books, watching movies… I don’t know why they don’t just let them out a few days early rather than waste time like this. Most moms look at me like I’m nuts when I say that, but I’m happy to have the girls at home with me – and happy to have our schedule slow down dramatically!

Menu planning this week is based around the 90-degree days we’re going to be having. Lots of grilling and quick and easy suppers. I’m thinking crock pot, grill, and salads.

What about you? Do you change your cooking habits when the weather warms up?

I certainly do.

No more heavy casseroles and soups – we’re all about light, fresh and local foods this time of year.MPM_Button

Here’s what I’ve got planned:

  • Cool chicken salad sandwiches for lunch. Have you tried my chicken salad recipe? It’s yummy.
  • Tonight: Taco Salads (with leftover taco meat from Friday's taco night)
  • Tuesday: Grilled chicken with roasted corn and veggies (cooked on the grill, too)
  • Wednesday: Stir Fry chicken & rice
  • Thursday: Fajitas or I’m thinking we might grill some pizza one night, too. I have a great dough recipe. Maybe I’ll share that later this week. 🙂

That’s probably it as I think we’re going to be taking it easy for the holiday weekend that’s coming up – maybe even taking a little road trip.

Check out orgjunkie.com for more delicious menu ideas for your family!

On another note, the Bachelorette premieres tonight.

A local boy is on the show – the son of the owner of one of our favorite restaurants. 

I will be watching, mostly because I can’t help myself, but also because I’m curious to see how he does – he has seemed like a nice boy as we’ve seen him in the restaurant through the years.

Constantine

If y’all are interested, I’ll share my thoughts (and witty sarcastic comments) after I watch the episodes each week.  I say that, but I will tell you, the last two seasons I haven’t finished. I just got too disgusted with the silliness and never watched past the second or third episode.

So, we’ll see.

Okay, enough random rambling.

Back to your locally scheduled programming. 🙂

Sunday Silliness

It's coming…

Are you ready?

Bachelor

Premiers January 3.

Just after all the holiday gluttony and sloth, we get to indulge in a little brainless TV watching.
(as in no one on the show has a brain)

I am alternately ashamed and excited.

But I'll probably be watching.

At least the first few episodes.  

I watched Brad's last season. I was one of the ones who thought he did the right thing by not picking anyone. I'm interested to see how they play this season with him.  Especially since he's been around the block once already and knows all the sneaky tricks they use.

How about you?  Will you be watching? 

The Bachelor (again!?!)

As you know from my past posts, The Bachelor/ette is one of my (stupid) guilty pleasures. 

One of my favorite Bachelors of past seasons was Brad Womack.  While I was shocked and disappointed that he didn’t choose anyone, I respected his decision NOT to choose; NOT to be pressured into doing something he didn’t feel was right.

Although I thought it was a sneaky, dirty trick the way ABC led us sheep to the slaughter – thinking there was going to be a proposal and everything without a hint that there might be something wrong in La-la Land, I understood it was just their idea of theatricality.

I felt bad for the girls and for Brad after it was all over. He was vilified and they came across as pathetic and sad.

Last week ABC announced Brad is back as the next season’s Bachelor.

My first reaction was surprise. I mean, didn’t he learn his lesson last time?

And he wants to come back for more?

Goodness Gracious!!

Doesn’t he know better?

I thought he was a (fairly) intelligent man.

Now, I’m not so sure.

Is he in need of money? Is that why he is doing this?

Does he want fifteen more minutes of fame?

Does he think this will redeem him in the eyes of the Bachelor-watchers around the world? (and why would he care what those people thought, anyway?)  I feel pretty sure Mike Fleiss will throw him under the bus if it means good ratings. I’m thinking Mike Fleiss doesn’t really care about anything BUT ratings.

Does he really think he’s going to find True Love on this show?

One never knows. And we may never know his real motivation for re-joining the Bachelor franchise.

But, I do know one thing. It will be interesting TV viewing.  And I’ll be right there in January – watching to see what unfolds.

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Bachelor Pad: I think I need a prophylactic

For those of you who were following the Bachelorette last season –

I have to ask: are you following the new show, Bachelor Pad?

I watched a little bit of the show the other night.

All I can say is…

BACHELOR PAD - "Bachelor Pad," the exciting new competitive reality series from the producers of "The Bachelor" and "The Bachelorette," premieres MONDAY, AUGUST 9 (8:00-10:00 p.m., ET), on ABC. (ABC/CRAIG SJODIN)BACK ROW: ASHLEY ELMORE, JESSIE SULIDIS, KRISILY KENNEDY, JUAN BARBIERI, GWEN GIOIA (ON JUAN'S SHOULDERS); MIDDLE ROW: GIA ALLEMAND (ON DAVID'S SHOULDERS), MICHELLE KUJAWA, JONATHAN NOVACK, NATALIE GETZ, WES HAYDEN, KIPTYN LOCKE, PEYTON WRIGHT, JESSE BECK; FRONT ROW: DAVID GOOD, JESSE KOVACS, TENLEY MOLZHAN, NIKKI KAPPKE, ELIZABETH KITT, CRAIG MCKINNON

EEEEWWWW

Just the little bit I watched made me feel like I needed to get up and take a shower. 

I felt contaminated, covered in a slime of skankiness.

I mean, really?  This is what they want us to watch while we wait for the next installment of the Bachelor?

Going forward, I think I may be watching reruns of  The Closer or Criminal Minds
There may be gruesome murders on those shows, but at least I don’t feel like I need to be decontaminated after watching.

Elizabeth Kitt

I’ll have to be completely honest. I didn’t watch the entire show.

I couldn’t.

I watched about fifteen minutes (or maybe a little more) and felt like I had to run – far, far away.

The parts that I did see showed me that these “characters” on the show are all just a wee bit shy of the full order of fries in their Happy Meals.  Did you see Elizabeth toying with Jesse K?  She is just a sick, sick girl. I think she must enjoy the Black Widow routine.

Dying her hair blonde doesn't disguise this fact.

She reels ‘em in, gets ‘em hooked and then WHAM! before they know it they’re dealing with a whacko girlfriend.  I couldn’t believe she was blackmailing poor Jesse into showing her affection and remaining her “boyfriend.”

''There are girls here who like me…. If you treat me poorly it can have negative consequences on you.''

I’m going to go out on a limb here and guess that maybe this is why she is still single.  She may be beautiful, but she is nuts.


And speaking of nuts…


Michelle KujawaWe had the meltdown from hell (heard from inside the bathroom) from ex-Bachelor resident Michelle. She decided that sweet little Kenley needed to be confronted for some supposed rumor she started about Michelle and Craig. In typical Michelle fashion, (or what I am assuming is her typical fashion given what we’ve seen of her in previous Bachelor shows) she sneak-attacks Kenley in the bathroom and proceeds to scare the bejeezus out of her. 

I think poor Tenley was probably saying some Hail Marys and hoping she could escape that bathroom by wiggling her nose a-la Samantha from Bewitched.  I can’t imagine being blindsided like that.  

And then we see Poor Tenley (which is how I think we should begin to refer to her) being comforted by Elizabeth. 

Oh.my.goodness. Does the girl attract the crazies?  I just wanted to shout at the TV, “Run, Tenley, run! There’s another one! Run for your life!” She had no idea she was being comforted by the Black Widow herself.

After watching those two scenes, I decided I’d had enough. I turned the channel and watched some psychopathic serial killer on Criminal Minds. Much safer television viewing, I’m sure.

So, what do you think of the Bachelor Pad?

Are you going to watch?

The jury is still out for me.