For those of you who were following the Bachelorette last season –

I have to ask: are you following the new show, Bachelor Pad?

I watched a little bit of the show the other night.

All I can say is…

BACHELOR PAD - "Bachelor Pad," the exciting new competitive reality series from the producers of "The Bachelor" and "The Bachelorette," premieres MONDAY, AUGUST 9 (8:00-10:00 p.m., ET), on ABC. (ABC/CRAIG SJODIN)BACK ROW: ASHLEY ELMORE, JESSIE SULIDIS, KRISILY KENNEDY, JUAN BARBIERI, GWEN GIOIA (ON JUAN'S SHOULDERS); MIDDLE ROW: GIA ALLEMAND (ON DAVID'S SHOULDERS), MICHELLE KUJAWA, JONATHAN NOVACK, NATALIE GETZ, WES HAYDEN, KIPTYN LOCKE, PEYTON WRIGHT, JESSE BECK; FRONT ROW: DAVID GOOD, JESSE KOVACS, TENLEY MOLZHAN, NIKKI KAPPKE, ELIZABETH KITT, CRAIG MCKINNON

EEEEWWWW

Just the little bit I watched made me feel like I needed to get up and take a shower. 

I felt contaminated, covered in a slime of skankiness.

I mean, really?  This is what they want us to watch while we wait for the next installment of the Bachelor?

Going forward, I think I may be watching reruns of  The Closer or Criminal Minds
There may be gruesome murders on those shows, but at least I don’t feel like I need to be decontaminated after watching.

Elizabeth Kitt

I’ll have to be completely honest. I didn’t watch the entire show.

I couldn’t.

I watched about fifteen minutes (or maybe a little more) and felt like I had to run – far, far away.

The parts that I did see showed me that these “characters” on the show are all just a wee bit shy of the full order of fries in their Happy Meals.  Did you see Elizabeth toying with Jesse K?  She is just a sick, sick girl. I think she must enjoy the Black Widow routine.

Dying her hair blonde doesn't disguise this fact.

She reels ‘em in, gets ‘em hooked and then WHAM! before they know it they’re dealing with a whacko girlfriend.  I couldn’t believe she was blackmailing poor Jesse into showing her affection and remaining her “boyfriend.”

''There are girls here who like me…. If you treat me poorly it can have negative consequences on you.''

I’m going to go out on a limb here and guess that maybe this is why she is still single.  She may be beautiful, but she is nuts.


And speaking of nuts…


Michelle KujawaWe had the meltdown from hell (heard from inside the bathroom) from ex-Bachelor resident Michelle. She decided that sweet little Kenley needed to be confronted for some supposed rumor she started about Michelle and Craig. In typical Michelle fashion, (or what I am assuming is her typical fashion given what we’ve seen of her in previous Bachelor shows) she sneak-attacks Kenley in the bathroom and proceeds to scare the bejeezus out of her. 

I think poor Tenley was probably saying some Hail Marys and hoping she could escape that bathroom by wiggling her nose a-la Samantha from Bewitched.  I can’t imagine being blindsided like that.  

And then we see Poor Tenley (which is how I think we should begin to refer to her) being comforted by Elizabeth. 

Oh.my.goodness. Does the girl attract the crazies?  I just wanted to shout at the TV, “Run, Tenley, run! There’s another one! Run for your life!” She had no idea she was being comforted by the Black Widow herself.

After watching those two scenes, I decided I’d had enough. I turned the channel and watched some psychopathic serial killer on Criminal Minds. Much safer television viewing, I’m sure.

So, what do you think of the Bachelor Pad?

Are you going to watch?

The jury is still out for me.

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8 thoughts on “Bachelor Pad: I think I need a prophylactic

  1. No no no! I wasn’t even thinking of watching it and now for sure NO NO NO. I’m like you, I’d rather watch a murder mystery with bodies lying around left and right than something that makes me want to take a shower just ’cause I watched it. I will stick with the safer “The Penguins of Madagascar” – ho! Thanks for stopping by my blog and commenting. NOW I know why I watch kiddie shows – keeps my mind CLEAN!

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