Welcome to the very first installment of this season’s Bachelorette recap.

As I mentioned on Monday, I’ll do these for as long as I can – or at least as long as I can stand watching the show. After 10 years of watching them on/off, I’m getting a little jaded so it is getting harder and harder to suspend reality and watch the weekly installments.

I mean, we all know by now that they are, if not scripted, full of “conveniently” planned situations which will, invariably, bring out the best and or worst in the “contestants” for the Bachelorette’s heart. 

And I am finding it harder and harder to believe the Bachelor/ette when they say that they “only want to find their one true love” and think that this is the “journey they were meant to take” to find that “one true love.”

Now, don’t get me wrong.

I’m not saying it won’t happen or couldn’t happen. I just have to sigh and wonder if their mommas didn’t teach them any better than to go lookin’ for love in all the wrong places. 

These boys (or girls, depending on the season) are most likely NOT there looking for their “one true love” and are more likely there to find their 15 minutes of fame and/or notoriety. (and usually at the expense of their own reputation and sometimes self-image)

The cynic in me says Ashley is only there for the fame, fortune and travel. (as are they) And the romantic in me is trying really hard to shout above the cynic to say the she really is there to find TRUE LOVE but then she (the romantic, that is) has to stop and admit that, with as many issues as Ashley has (namely her own insecurity) finding love in this way is highly unlikely.

But, I digress.

I promised myself I would not spend this post pointing out all of the things that I think are wrong with this show. I will focus on sharing with you the observations I made when I watched it… and I’ll try to be nice. I promise. 🙂

On to the opener:

*a side note: why do they always wet the flagstones? Don’t they realize that while they look prettier this way, they make the girls’ dresses WET and wet ballgowns are not fun to wear (or launder)

On to the Bachelors:

Ben F. First Bachelor of note is Ben F, the winemaker.  My first reaction is that he looks like a little boy. Then, I think, no, he looks like a dork dressed up.  But mostly he just looks like a little boy. The trick to bring the wine was a good one, though. Gotta give him points for that. (+2 points)

Look at that baby face! (or am I just getting OLD!?!)

 

Bentley Next is Bentley – I think he has been cast as the “bad boy” of the season.  My first thought with him is divorced=issues=trouble.  Second thought is boy, is he ARROGANT!  I vote him off the island already. Will be interesting to see how things go with Ashley.

Especially since she has already been "warned" about him by a former Bachelor contestant who knows Bentley's ex-wife. Now, it may just be me, but I'm thinking intelligence from the friend of an ex-wife may be questionable intelligence indeed.  But, I still think he is one to watch out for – and not in a good way.  Remember Wes from a few seasons ago? The country singer? This year Bentley is Wes.

Will he play to her insecurities and will she fall for it? I think he is a player. We will see.

Anthony

Anthony is the next one I take note of –

(if I don’t mention them, they were just
B-O-R-I-N-G and/or didn’t get much screen time)

Now, my initial response was “aw, he’s cute!” And I loved the New Jersey accent. And he’s Italian. Gotta love that.  But once he stepped out of the limo he was just full of bluff and swagger. I think it turned Ashley off. I know it did me. And the sad thing is, it was probably to hide how scared he really was. Poor baby. (no points for you)

Jon Jon is the next one to catch my eye. The whole Neanderthal move of tossing Ashley over his shoulder and walking away with her – REALLY?!?  I think she liked it, but I wouldn’t have been amused. minus 5 points.

Will be interesting to see how things play out with him in the end…

My next thought was about how all the guys are hugging her. I’m a hugger. I don’t mind hugging people.  But, seriously. I bet every single one of those guys was wearing cologne.  And I bet she was, too. So now, after hugging 25 guys she probably smells something awful… like 26 different scents. UGH. I’d be patting them on the shoulder and saying “See you inside!” No hugs for you!

Mickey Mickey’s kiss maneuver was cheesy. I thought “oh, my goodness. you didn’t just do that, did you?”

And yes, darlin’ he did.

UGH.

I’d send him home immediately. eeewwww.

and then he BRAGGED about it when he got inside.  You’re outta here, pup.

West West with the broken compass – come on? Really? You didn’t have anything more original than to bring a compass to give that is “broken” pointing West and telling her that when she is lost to use it to find her way back to you? I think some producer put you up to that and you fell for it. sigh.  minus 5 points.

There is a second Ben – Ben C. – and he lost points with me with his put-on French lines he delivered. Another producer-induced moment of stupidity, I think. minus 3 points.

I’m sorry this is so long guys… 25 bachelors – and not many superstars in here to choose from. I promise I’m almost done. Thanks for sticking with me.

I don’t know what was up with the one Bachelor who whipped out his camera to shoot some pictures – that, in and of itself, wasn’t so bad..

It was when he asked Ashley if she’d take a picture of him with Chris Harrison when they got inside that I had to shout at the TV “YOU DID NOT JUST ASK THAT DID YOU!?!?” 

Seriously? Is he here on a sightseeing trip or to be a BACHELOR?!?!  minus 15 points!

Moving on…

Constantine Constantine was the final Bachelor out of the limos. I have a soft spot for him as he is a local boy –

I actually saw him today when I was out for lunch at his restaurant. He was playing it all cool talking to a friend about the show.  Of course, I just about fell out of my booth trying to eavesdrop but I didn’t hear anything any good.

He’s cuter in person, by the way.

On to the party – We overhear someone saying that “it’s gonna take a lot of guts or nuts” to get through the night. I just about spit out my tea.  OMG.  That was funny. Especially when you really think about it.  You can take that “nuts” a lot of different ways.

I think that was the highlight of the show for me and just about sums up what I bet this season is going to be all about – Guts & Nuts. LOL

I wonder… do you think the boys will have all the drama that the girls have had in seasons past? Boys don’t typically do drama so if they do, I will put money on it being something producer-induced.  We will see if my prediction holds true.

I’ll save future posts to discuss the two Tims – the jerk and the drunk.  And I will leave you with one final observation.  Of the 16 boys we’re left with (and yes, they are BOYS not men) three look almost identical (Ben F/Constantine/Stephen) most all are brunette (can you call boys brunettes or do you just say they have brown hair?) and most of them appear to be rather self-absorbed.  This will be an interesting season, my friends.

I hope we can stand watching it together.

Until next week, peeps.

Just remember… Guts & Nuts, ladies. Guts & Nuts. 😉

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