So, if you have read my blog for any amount of time, you are aware that I had gastric bypass surgery in 2010. (you can read the whole back story here)
One of the things that led me to this dramatic change was an increasing awareness that I wasn’t able to do all the things I wanted to do – I found myself, one Saturday, all alone at home while my family went on a hike together.
A hike I wanted, desperately, to do, but knew that, at my size, I probably couldn’t do. (or at least, if I even attempted it, I’d embarrass myself and my family with my huffing, puffing and bajillion stops I’d have to make)
It was then that I decided that things had to change.
And soon. (you can read that story here)
The last two years have been an amazing journey. I have been through so many changes, inside and out, and I really feel like a completely different person.
I still struggle with my eating (and why I eat) and have to maintain a constant vigil on what I put in my mouth – that will never change. (and I don’t really want it to. It keeps me aware and reminds me of why I did what I did.)
However, one thing that I haven’t attempted yet was that hike.
And I did it.
On New Year’s Day.
What a fitting way to kick off a new year.
I didn’t wake up thinking “today is the day I’m going to hike that mountain.”
I hadn’t really even thought about it.
But, as life sometimes does, things just worked out to where that is what I found myself doing on Sunday afternoon.
I had mentioned to SuperMan that I wanted to go for a walk and why didn’t we take the kids hiking. He suggested the mountain we live on (or next to, depending on your geographical opinions) and I said sure.
It wasn’t until we were walking the trail that I realized WHAT I WAS DOING.
HEY! (I thought)
I’M WALKING THIS TRAIL! THIS VERY SAME TRAIL I WAS SO STINKIN’ AFRAID OF TWO YEARS AGO!
And not only did I walk it… I did it pretty quickly and with only a few stops along the way to catch my breath!
I was so excited!
I can’t begin to tell you the sense of accomplishment and “full-circled-ness” that I had as we reached the top of the mountain that afternoon. As I stood there looking out over the valley I marveled at the fact that I had actually accomplished something that had so intimidated me two years ago that I had hidden at home in shame. I was overwhelmed and humbled at the thought of the journey I’ve been on – and reinvigorated to go the next stage of the journey and KEEP ON GOING.
I sat there on the rocks and just marveled at myself. I had no idea, when I started this weight loss journey two years ago, if I really COULD do this. I feared I’d have the surgery and still be a fat failure. As I sat there I realized I am a stronger person that I sometimes give myself credit for. Stronger and more determined.
It felt SO GOOD. I am PROUD of myself. And that is a nice feeling.
I still have some weight to lose. I am still not where I want to be. I got a little sidetracked last year when I hit a size and thought “wow! THIS is cool.” and then promptly quit doing a lot of the things I was doing.
But, I’m reinvigorated and re-motivated. I’m ready. I’m willing. and I’m most definitely able.
The mountain may not be Everest, but it seemed that way to me two years ago. It might as well have been Everest for the insurmountability it seemed to have to me. Now, the mountain represents something entirely different to me.
It represents accomplishment. It represents do-ability. It represents a strength I didn’t know I had. And it will remind me of the things I can do even when I think I can’t.
2012 is going to be even better.