Where’s the handbook, please?

Has anyone seen the handbook?

You know the one….

Parenting your Child: Part 2 (The Pre-Teen Years)

I don’t think I got that with my order…

(or any other handbooks for that matter) But I really, really need this one.

You see, I have this wonderful, beautiful, intelligent child.  And about every, oh, day or so, she is invaded by a creature that takes over her consciousness. You know the creature I’m talking about…  The one who thinks parents are so lame and don’t know anything.  The one who thinks little sisters (or brothers) are stupid and a pain.  The one who has the most irrational reactions (good and bad) about the most mundane of things.

When she gets like this I need to find the switch, lever, or button, that will change her back.  Because I’m not quite sure what to do with this other model.  I’m hoping the handbook will show me where the button is, or how to take the batteries out so I can do a reset. (works on my ipod, why not here?)

So, if you happen to have an unused or extra manual lying around, could you loan it to me?  I’m thinking I’ll only need it for the next, oh, eight to ten years… sigh.

Conspiracy Theories

I am convinced there is a conspiracy.

This conspiracy has been going on for a long time and appears to be recruiting participants as time goes by.

If you are a mom, you may even be affected by this same conspiracy.IMGP1392

It may be somewhat of a delicate subject, but I’ll dive in…

Here’s what I’m talking about:

It seems that 85-90% of the time when I enter a restroom there is no toilet paper.  It happens often enough that I’m beginning to wonder if I have become the universe’s appointed toilet-paper-changer person.  At home, we have three bathrooms.  And four people.  And I promise you, on any given day, whichever bathroom I choose to use will have an empty toilet paper roll sitting there.

Now, it’s not that we haven’t undergone rigorous training around here.  Everyone has been carefully schooled in the fine art of taking the empty roll off (and placing in the wastebasket) and replacing with a clean, fresh roll.  I even make sure we are well-stocked in the lavatory – keeping 3-4 rolls on hand in the event of a major situation in which we need copious amounts of TP.

However, it never fails.  I am greeted with the sad straggler of the abandoned roll; waiting to be decommissioned and reassigned to the recycling.

I’m sure you’ve encountered this before yourself.  Am I right?

I often wonder – do they do this on purpose?  Or is it just lucky coincidence?

I have even left the empty roll on there just to see what others will do.  Usually… nothing.

However, I do recall one time a few years back when my oldest decided to be helpful and “fix” the TP.  IMGP1391Now we have a reinforced holder covering the hole in the wall that was a result of her struggle to remove the roll from the holder. (poor thing was really upset!)  After that incident, I was actually glad she quit wanting to “help” and happily changed out the rolls myself.

It’s not that I mind changing out the rolls.  I don’t.  I just marvel at how quickly they seem to need changing.  And how it always seems to be when it’s my turn in the facilities.  Like there is a cosmic timeline and the timer goes off when I step in the bathroom “bing! time to change the roll!”

I have noticed, too, that I seem to be the lucky one to find the empty rolls in other places, too.

When I am visiting a friend, for example.  And then I’m always struck with the dilemma.  What do I do? Rummage in their powder room for a replacement roll? Leave the empty roll dangling and use tissues? (if there are any)  I usually opt to refill the roll, hoping that my hostess will be more glad I restocked than she is perturbed by my rummaging.

And let’s don’t even get started on the whole “over” or “under” debate…