Today was a little bittersweet for me.
My youngest daughter (5) had a Holiday program at school. They sang carols and did a few recitations for all of the parents, showed off their artwork and then we had a “reception” where we shared donuts and muffins.
I loved it. She did such a good job and all of the kids were so adorable. (I love this age) The little boys with their energy just bursting from their little bodies, straining against the structure of standing in a row and reciting in time with the rest of the class… The little girls with their fancy dresses and pretty hairdos, smiling at their mommies and daddies and waving occasionally to be sure they are still paying attention to them.
It was heaven.
And yet, it was a little sad for me.
I couldn’t help but think that this was probably my last Christmas program I’d get to see (at least until the grandkids come along). So, while I was reveling in every moment, there was a part of me that wanted to hit the “Pause” button. Stop! Wait! This can’t be it! Let’s go back a year or two.
Isn’t that funny?
When our kids are little and dependent on us for EVERYTHING all we can think about is that we can’t wait for them to get bigger so that they can do things for themselves. We push, we nudge, we cajole and we threaten.
And then, one day, you wake up from the everyday and realize that that time is here. And, I don’t know about you, but I’m not sure I’m ready!
One girl entering her pre-teen years, thinking she knows it all already; the other learning she can be independent and it’s ok. Don’t get me wrong… I love it for them. I am proud of my girls. I am so excited to see their growth and development, to cheer their accomplishments.
I’m just not ready to give up my babies yet.
I know what is coming. I have seen it with friends. Next, I become the “mean mom” who doesn’t let her stay up all night, texting with friends on her cell phone. Or the mom who won’t let her meet friends and hang out at the mall (all alone) (as if!)
I’m still enjoying being the mom they WANT to be with. The mom they think is cool (and that they think actually KNOWS stuff) I’m not ready to give that up.
I want babies to snuggle in my lap, rock to sleep, and kiss their boo-boos.
So, it’s bittersweet.
While I’m so proud of them and can’t wait to see what they will become, I’m going to miss these little girls of mine. I love them an awful lot.